Charade of Lies

My eyes focused above,
At the moon who’s shy,
Remembering days when we smiled
To the sky and each other,
Happy, peaceful in our nest.

‘Ages has gone by now’, says time,
‘Feels like an eternity’, says the heart.
Who’s lying? I wonder.
Or can I not judge like they say,
Losing myself to the moon I look at?

The mist cuddling me getting cold,
Like the snow we laid on,
Years ago; talking, giggling and living.
The sky is thick like it’s about to rain,
To help me let myself out of me,
Letting me escape into fantasies.

If I stay what I am forever,
I stay disliked till the end.
Should I then change for you and them?
‘I’ll be better then’, you say,
Failing to notice that wouldn’t be me.

Thinking over and over, I realize…
If I change, you’ll let me in.
‘For how long?’, I ask.
If I don’t, you hate me like now.
Till I turn into a spec of dusk,
On top of a memory box of yours.

Whatever I may choose,
It’ll always be for you; your love,
For the warmth your smile brings.
Playing a charade then,
Till I die or till you realize,
It was for you and wasn’t me.

So, the question I ask today,
To you and to everyone who’s not me;
To the one’s who wants better,
Who wants change…
‘Did you even know me before?’
‘Do you even deserve a different me?’
‘Will I be able to bear the pain?
The pain of pretence?’
But importantly,
If you’ll hate me anyway,
Is it worth dying everyday?
That too, playing someone I’m not?
In a stage you call life?

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