I crave to be loved.
To be touched. To be felt. To be seen. To be heard.
Nicholas Sparks is my favourite author and yet, I find Christian Grey intimidating. I’m a contrast of all the vibrant monochromes spilled on a white canvas, each wanting to overpower the other. I’m an old-school romantic, a hoarder of handwritten letters who cherishes emotions. I’m a 24-year-old virgin who still dreams of a magical ‘first kiss’ and an unforgettable ‘first time’. I take pride in my vulnerability. A silent chaos and a dormant storm.
I don’t believe in flings and hook-ups. Relationships are an institution of commitment, that is laid on the foundation of trust, loyalty, honesty and love. And, yet I have a burning desire to make love. If it was lust, I’d just hook up and do it with anybody, to scratch the itch. No. Love making is an art. One, that I would like to cherish lifelong. The idea of being naked doesn’t arouse me. The idea of willingly entrusting your vulnerability with someone you feel a once-in-a-lifetime connection with, does. The idea of looking straight into the eyes of the person you’re making love to, while you witness the union of two souls, intrigues me. I want to feel the love that binds the bodies together. Not just the hunger, but the desire that stems purely from the roots of undying love.
You might think I romanticize sex. No, I don’t. I wish to reveal the decoration surrounding the process. I don’t know how you see it, but this one movie I watched, titled ‘don John’, quite convincingly proved my point. We will truly ‘feel’ the satisfaction when there is a true emotional connection. Sex should not be a stereotyped conceived notion about being just a symbiotic relationship. Give the process, a real chance. For heaven’s sake, give foreplay the time and effort it deserves, and watch magic unfold. Steal a kiss, when the sun is drowning, shedding off its inhibitions. Cuddle and snuggle, when the light cracks in through the streaks of darkness. Go for a walk, talking about life and goals. Laugh about silly jokes and share your non-chalance. Have nasty fights, but come back stronger, hand-in-hand. Create your own date nights and sing your hearts out during late night drives. You make and create love, rather, strengthen love, while doing each of these.
I don’t just wish to be a partner. I crave to be a soulmate. I don’t want to compromise, or settle, or just be okay sharing my life with someone I like. I want to love, because I know I can. I’m probably waiting for my sparks to fly, and I know it happens when we least expect it to. Being a millennial, I still believe, in ‘Good things take time’ and ‘Patience bears fruits’ and so I’ll wait.
I’ve had my share of heartbreaks and bad experiences and so I might not open up instantly. I’m very much curled up in my shell, pushing people away and shutting everyone out. But, if you survive my storms with me, you’ll find me waiting for you, at the other end of the shore, jumping into your arms, kissing my fears away and wishing a forever with you.
So, if you’re out there somewhere, take your own sweet time to come, but if and when you do, please stay.
Till death do us apart?
I crave to be loved.