I cant be happy alone. You can only love someone as much as you love yourself and I pretty much despise my own existence. You have to completely heal to maintain a healthy connection with an entirely separate so even if I got into a relationship I’d mess it up; but being alone is vulgar. I need someone to want me, to give me the affection I constantly require to function. I can’t physically bring myself to be ok with being alone and it’s causing me to enter an endless cycle of pain. I’m going around trying to find someone to have feelings for and to think about so I wont have to think about me and my problems and I hyper fixate and in the end that’s going to ruin me and whoever I involve myself with and I’m never going to get it right.