20 years it’s been
since i was back at this place
i push the gate with an uncharacteristic haste.
my steps, short and quick
my eyes, darting all around.
this is not like me
i say to myself
it’s been 20 years
since i was back at this place.

standing in front of the door
i take a deep breath
then i turn the knob
inside i step.
welcomed by dust
and furniture, covered with tainted white cloth
i take a breathless breath
and start to move about.
the dust doesn’t bother me
it has a familiar scent
it swirls and floats
it settles on my face
yet, i don’t frown.
i wonder why’s that the case.
this isn’t like me
i say to myself.
it’s been 20 years
since i was back at this place.

i move around
springs in my feet.
room after room i go
excited about what they’ll show.
the hazy memories
lying in brain
they come to life
as little by little
everything is taken in.
i move towards the backyard
at the far end of the place
when on a hanging broken mirror
i catch a look of my face.
there’s a glint in my eyes
and my face holds an unmistakable
mischievous smile.
who is this
i ask myself.
it’s been twenty years
since i was back at this place.

stairs lead down onto the backyard grass
i stand there
i count them to be 3.
i start, intending to walk down them
but instead i jump
and land on two feet
onto the grass
spread like a soft sheet.
and then it hits me
i suddenly realise
who i was being
why there was
a glint in my eyes.
it was the kid in me
but how could it be.
he was supposed to be dead
the kid from 20 years ago
i thought he was no more.
but this place, his home
where restlessly, with mischief and joy
he used to roam,
it jolted him to wake
with all his characteristic haste.
i lie on the grass
soft and crisp
and i let go
a huge sigh of relief.
the kid in me
is still alive.
i am the kid
i say to myself.
and i am so glad
that even though it’s been 20 years
i am, finally, back at my place.

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