Nothing and Moreover Everything

I knew that I have lost her. It was the first day of the week of month February and was the day of announcing our ranks on the basis of our final result. We all were eagerly waiting in the classroom for our class teacher to arrive. Each and every student was distressed. I used to be the first in holding ranks every year. No doubt, I was quite sure of becoming the topper once again. After a while, our class teacher arrived handed with three medals, gold, silver and bronze. My face started cheering. Mam started disclosing the top three rank holders among the students from the third position. Bronze was achieved by Zoya. Of course, I had no interest in bronze or silver. My full focus was on gold medal. But suddenly everything changed. Mam announced that silver medal was achieved by me. I was in a shock. Then who is holding the first position? The whole class started murmuring among themselves. Gold medal was achieved by Sana, a new comer, whom I never thought to be taken as a competitor. Mine and her percentile difference was of 1 percent. I was not at all happy with my silver medal, felt ashamed of myself. Beside me stood Zoya, who was overwhelmed and satisfied enough with her bronze medal. I congratulated Sana with a fake smile and then left the class and went to washroom. I cried, I cried a lot, seeing myself in the mirror and regretting of not achieving the gold medal, I continued crying. I returned back to my class and to my astonishment, nobody was teasing me or making me feel uncomfortable or regretful of not acquiring the first position. In spite, they all were motivating me. I sat in the class for a while. But was feeling uneasy, so I rushed back to washroom, saw myself in the mirror again and busted out with tears. This time, the tears were not of the regretfulness but were for being such an inhuman that when no one was judging me, I was there judging my own self. When no one was teasing me for failing to hold my fixed position, I was there for making these positions a life and death issue and teasing my own self. No, I was never a person like this. I used to never get upset on my matter. But now I got it. I was never defamed by myself. I saw myself as the best one above all. I felt helpless, wanted to be that original me. The one who was never bothered of being the one who she actually is. But I have lost her, the true version of me. I have lost her in the want of becoming a perfectionist. That day I understood that I lost nothing but moreover everything I had.

Comments

  1. Neil

    Lacks dynamism.

    Too predictable.

    And not enough work done to make the readers emotionally connect with the characters.

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