By Prapti Walia
Faith sat at the restaurant table facing the lush surroundings. Vivid greens and browns dotted her vision as she took in the hustle and bustle of the restaurant staff around her setting up for lunch service. Surrounded by the beauty of this setting, they were all oblivious to the black chaos within her. She sat there calmly, typing away at her laptop, stealing frequent deep breaths to keep the dormant volcano within from erupting. No song in her head today, like there usually is, just a constant chant- you’re all right, you’re all right.
But was she really though…all right? The goosebumps on her arms, visible to any close observer under the warm summer light, indicated otherwise. The weather had little impact on the bitter chill she felt within. The only saving grace being that it was slowly but steadily numbing her, in turn drowning out the loud cacophony of thoughts drumming against the temples of her head.
Fueled by the potpourri of these conflicting sensations and emotions, Faith slammed her laptop shut and stood up with a sudden jolt, knocking off the half empty glass of water lying on the table in front of her, earning her a look of exasperation from the man behind the counter. Embarrassed, and rudely awoken from her self-absorbed daze, she quickly gathered her things and walked out into the harsh sunlight.
Faith stood at the door of the café and looked around her. Nothing had stopped. Nothing had changed. The city seemed to move past her like a movie on fast forward. She felt irritated. Why was everyone in such a rush when all she wanted to do was lay down and be perfectly still?! Oh! Wouldn’t that be nice, to be perfectly still. No movement, no thoughts, just stillness and silence. “But not today”, she said to herself. Faith knew they were waiting for her and that they would want her there, sooner, rather than later. She reminded herself that she still had things to do…so many…things to do.
As she stood there rolling her eyes, a cab happened to pass by, momentarily halting in front of her so as to accommodate the traffic around it. Thoughtlessly, she glanced in its direction, and there in the rolled up window of this inconspicuous cab she saw herself. Well dressed, as she usually was, straight backed, and a face etched with poised determination, completely contrary to the alter ego she was battling with standing on that curb. She was surprised by her own reflection. All of a sudden everything around her slowed down to a normal pace. A woman with lovely, soft hair walked past and smiled at her. A stray dog chased a cat across the road, and the inconspicuous cab drove off, slowly with the building traffic. And just like that, it felt like an ordinary day. Not roses and sunshine, but cigarette smoke, coffee stains, sweat and grime. But ordinary felt good, ordinary felt normal…and safe. And just like that there was a song in her head, like there usually is. “If I don’t have you, atleast I still have meeeeee….” She stepped off the curb into the crowd and disappeared to enjoy yet another ordinary day.
By Prapti Walia
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