A Rare Contented Evening

By Surya Prasanna Bharani Sannidhanam

I closed my eyes and opened them. I breathed in the peace around me, taking in my lungs as much as possible, hoping that it would cajole my overflowing heart and exhausted mind, before they start running again tomorrow. Those machines heat up only to give me anxiety. I wanted to hold on to this moment as long as possible, etch it deeply in my memory, so I would recollect it when I am lonely or felt unloved; because contrary to what my mind would want me to believe, this is evidence – of reciprocation, of feeling desirable and loved and that I would make all my wishes come true one day. And this moment, with him, could safely be considered a dream in some sense.

We were sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall on my terrace, looking out at the sky; the stream of street lights flowing in between the hills and waves of vehicles passing by lit up the otherwise dark anonymity; the beaming moon was immersed in deep conversation with drenched hilltops and the thick passing clouds. The dark clouds were moving in haste in the cool wind, possibly to meet their friends in faraway lands, where they probably meet to look down on petty human problems (like that of mine) and giggle amongst themselves.

I welcomed the heat on my back, emanating from his warm chest that enveloped me; sleek body, like a newly launched high-performance gamer smartphone. His hand wrapped around my waist, holding me close and tight, my hands resting on top of his and my fingers slipping in between his fingers or wrapping his fists occasionally. My hair had to be transferred onto one shoulder, for convenience purposes, logistically speaking; It was quite favorably replaced by his handsome face, my right shoulder cradling his stubbly bearded chin, his voice ringing in my ears and his scent, mixing with the wet humid air, filling my lungs. Well, peace has a flavor now. Delicious. It felt like I could hide my face in his chest, sniffing him and snuggling into him forever.

For me, it was a much-awaited and much-appreciated peace after long months of ordeal. I had a roller coaster ride with my emotions - ranging from strong admiration to bubbling frustration towards him, from utmost indifference to a warm affection flowing for him; from silly excitement to gripping anxiety; from supreme confidence and belief (dheema), that I could survive any outcome, to silently surrendering to the nasty throbbing in my gut when he had once suggested that this might not work out. Now, sitting with him in this most intimate position, extremely relaxed and hopeful, made me appreciate how far we had come from the rocky beginning. Long way to go but this is good progress.

“It is going to happen.”, he said,” It will work out. Better than how you are imagining. I promise”. A smile appeared on my face involuntarily as this sweet feeling synced in.

I felt his lips on my cheek, giving me a soft indulgent kiss. I love this ritual, especially because I have very kissable cheeks, chubby and plump and he has extremely kissable lips, pink, round, and thick. I could anticipate his intentions from his breath on my collar and his hand caressing my bosom. I looked up at his face, followed by his soft, inviting lips imploring me to attend to them. I happily ceded to their request, determined to create impactful episodes, for my mind to paint a lasting memory of this rare contented evening.

By Surya Prasanna Bharani Sannidhanam