By Amla Srivastav
It's been pretty tiresome lately. Each day gets progressively tougher and with each battle that we fight, we lose a little bit of our strength and a little bit of ourselves.
When we do mention as a passing statement that things haven't exactly been sailing smooth for us, the first sentence that we hear is "Hey, you can call me whenever okay? I'm always there for you." Hasn't this sentence been thrown around a little too casually these days? But even so, I guess it's okay, there's no use blaming someone, because maybe that's what they feel they can do best in their shoes and that's alright. However, what they fail to understand is, even with someone on the end of the other line, we don't always know how to explain our emotions because more often than not we ourselves don't exactly understand the cause of our restless behavior, our uncontrollable temper and our sleepless nights. Amidst all this emotional turmoil, hearing about how they too (or someone that they know) are going through the exact same problem, and that we're just overthinking it, does not really help.
Such standardized responses for all our problems lead us to wanting to run away from our phones, from having to reply to texts and attending calls wherein we'll be required to answer (while painting a fake yet polite picture of regular normalcy) the customary questions such as "How are you?” "How is everyone at home?" "What are you doing these days?” As much as I abhor them, sometimes I end up asking the very same questions for lack of a better subject to talk about. Living in these times of discord is really not easy. On the one hand, we want to talk to people and share our emotions, but then we run away from conversations, since they take place either as a mere formality, or require us to paint a picture of ourselves that others want to or rather, expect to see. Anything that isn't aligned with their perception of us simply becomes unacceptable. The sentence that I've hated hearing the most in my futile attempts to share my problems with someone when they ask me what's wrong is "Oh! But you look so happy/cheerful/bright all the time. It doesn't look like you'll be going through something so painful at all!" To all those who say this in their attempt to console their companion, is it your friend's attempt to try and be happy despite their tough situations that disturbs you or is it the discord between your perception of the limited emotions that your friend can feel as opposed to the wide span of emotions that they've been going through, that doesn't align with the picture of them that you have painted in your mind.
Maybe now it would make a little more sense for others to understand why some of us don't respond as often to our calls and messages as we would honestly like to, because truth be told, we don't have the energy left to paint the picture you want to see. And we've already heard most of the standard replies that we know will come our way when we share a problem. It’s funny when I hear how people have a problem when I don't pick their calls or don't respond to their messages immediately. Does keeping a phone necessarily mean that we must all be available 24/7, 365 despite our mental health and our own emotions. Do you not find it unreasonable to push someone to share something personal with you and then get offended if they don't do so? Is actively listening to someone's problems so that one can give their two pence as they allow themselves to indulge in the savior complex, the only way we feel we can provide support? Maybe that's why it's easier for us to mindlessly scroll through social media while liking each other's posts and viewing each other's stories as we create an illusion of being 'in touch' with people through these platforms, without offending them with our inability to communicate. But it's okay, I will text back soon enough and tell you that nothing much has been going on with me as I ask you in turn how you've been doing. Till then, please don't be offended as I try and take some time off to figure out my emotions for myself.
Yours Sincerely,
A person whose been having it quite rough lately.
By Amla Srivastav
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