Blank Page In A Book

By Sandeep Patil

I wanna know

Is it of any importance

to anyone if my heart's warm or cold

How I feel is overdosed

Why is it so hard to find someone like me

How far am I from normal

how deep do I go?

I walk this empty road

for it to end in a fair note

But when I wish

, I wish to be alone

Maybe you'll never know how I feel like

,but can I ask you to treat me nice, I feel like broken toy pushed aside

And if you like a me filled with cracks and holes

And if you like me with broken strings and notes

Or do you like a me with more control

I can't stop hurting my myself

and there no where for me to go

I gave everyone more than I could afford and there now there no hope

I hate the feeling but my intuitions are like head to head with flaws

I rain my pain as i recite my songs begging to borrow your time to explain me

deep down I want someone to hold, be a resemblance of hope

What you see is the surface of the sea this love goes deep to core

It's not as above so below

I don't know how it feels to be loved

For that I never connected with anyone

I never lived for somone or was I mistooked for a bottle in the ocean

Pushed far from shore from the wave of self hatred and masochism

They sat and taught me to hate myself and my vision

Now I look at myself with the worth of nothing without any reason

I neglect my feelings and throw coins of value in the ocean

I try to pretend but the water is above my head as I walk deeper into the ocean

Punching a wall of self torture as a mission

You made me believe I was an imp now I find no reason

To drive in a street filled with turns and discomfort as a fair decision

Now I blame myself regardless of any reason

Masochism and perfectionism took over my body like devil disguised in angels

The lack of wisdom blinded my eyes more than a sun in a summer season

I don't want to be like this

Stress walking for hours writing songs like this

Now I Hope not to find someone like me

Because I don't want anyone to see what I've seen and feel how I felt.

In the darkness I'm accompanied by my shadow

He follows me I beg for him not to follow

To not hurt or disappoint anyone when I take my last steps covered with regret and sorrow

To drown myself in lake shallow, or shoot myself with a bow pulling a last arrow with tips sharpened with fire and foe

With this I will find happiness in not existing anymore because living in this world makes me sick to me bones and my cheeks pale and hollow

By Sandeep Patil