By Aswathi Prasath
'Isn't it currency again!?'
Little Aman ran towards the window to take the folded currencies thrown out. Grandpa has been like this for the last two years, and they all say that he is suffering from dementia.
It is the duty of Aman and Aami, the little children of the house, to collect the folded or torn out currencies. They do it without any failure, obeying their mother.
She doesn't want even a single coin from her father anymore. She carefully unfolds the notes and keeps it under his pillow, only to be thrown out again. Grandpa does this nowadays, and his memory too has started to fade away.
Anita recollects the memory of her father, that truly loving man of the past, the one who did everything for the family, friends and the poor. She could never ever assume him to metamorphize this way in the course of a few years.
The choice of her life partner was the reason for such a gap between the father and the daughter.
Anita could never be comfortable with a pompous life well settled in richness. At every point, she wanted to keep herself in the middle or under the line of comfort and safety.
"That's the only way to sense how the majority around us live. Comfort shall drain humanity from us."
This is what she used to say, and married Radhan from a poor family against her parents' wishes.
She tried all those years for reconciliation, but they refused to see the faces of their only grandchildren. Only hatred welled up till the pandemic changed the face of the world along with many people.
It was a phone call from the neighborhood of her village that broke the news of Aaliyamma’s illness.
Anita wanted to run, then, at the very moment, to shower all the kisses in reserve for the mother, no matter, she is dangerously affected as per the message. The news took her to the beautiful old days at home where no night passed without the exchange of kisses between the mother and the daughter. Joshy too was so caring, though he didn't express the concern every time.
'Radhan will not tell anything against my going. He would be happy. Who else shall go and take care of her?
Radhan didn't fail her expectations, and four of them went together. All warned against taking the children to a house with a pandemic threat. But the gap of years never drained the passion in Anita for anyone or anything.
"Let's see. We shall take care. Let's isolate the kids. It will be alright. We shall go, at any coast, Ani."
Throughout that night she held his hand tight, without saying a word. She knew very well that words would fail to reward him that moment.
Four of them slept together in their little nest of dreams and togetherness, for the last time, without knowing it.
They set out the very morning, and as expected, Joshy was still inside the aura of obstinacy and rage. But he couldn't prevent Anita and kids entering the house, as the situation was already out of his control with Aaliyamma's health condition. He realized the fact that no relatives or neighbors would come to help.
A healthy wife in charge of every household duty is a luxury. Joshy has been sensing this for the last few days with his continuous failures in making a cup of tea, washing the dress or at least keeping the house clean and neat properly. Still, he considers himself to be invincibly successful and secretly remains proud of himself.
As Anita expected, Radhan could not get the entry.
"Why do you worry, dear? I will be there, at the distance of your remembering me with the same passion, the day we spent there in St. Antony's library and yard."
"Where shall you be?"
" Hei, your hometown has developed a lot, I will explore it. Please don't worry too much about me. Take care of Ma, you should be fine."
"No, Radhan, it's not fun. Please tell me about your plan."
"Plans? Why dear? Did we ever have it till this moment? We just go on and that's been the only plan we shared till this date - never to waste time on planning, but to make use of that time too for living. We are up to this moment, and I promise you, we shall not fail."
"Please ring me, once you find an accommodation. Radhan, what about the pocket?"
“We never wanted it to be full, let's see. I will manage…"
He smiled, the smile of innocence that even a thousand light rays could not hide as she always thought and then walked away.
Hospital days were tough. Children could not be happy with the old stranger, but they could adjust with anything for their mamma and pappa.
"Don't worry Aman, we will be back to our nest soon…"
“When Ami? I wanted to see my love birds, will they be fine?"
"Yes, Aruna's mamma will take care. I heard mamma telling her. We shall go back once grandma is back from hospital."
"Why doesn't grandpa speak to us? Is he still angry?"
"No, mamma and pappa said that both are too good. He is just tensed for grandma. You saw that she was so tired. His face is masked like ours. That too must be the reason. Otherwise he could have definitely spoken."
"That's true…"
Grandma didn't come back from the hospital, the house of death was empty.
Even neighbors couldn't come. That's the kind of pandemic which snatches lives nowadays. Radhan came just to stand like an outsider. He could never get an entry to that house even in the time of death.
Joshy didn't forget to shower curses upon him this time too.
That's the first time Aman and Amiya felt that their grandpa was not that good as mamma and pappa told. But could they tell lies! Those little minds were confused.
Going back to their dream nest is not easy. Feeding the love birds has almost become a distant dream.
Weeks passed… Joshy never smiled. He never spoke. Anita and the children took the silent corner of a room like refugees. There was only the smell of death and detachment inside that building.
Radhan's rings only brought solace till the day he spoke in a low voice. "Anu, I've caught a bad cold. I will be alright. Take care."
"Radhan, please consult a doctor. Please go for testing…"
"Let me see. But you know that if work is kept pending, things would be difficult."
"No, health is important. Please, for my sake, our kids' sake. You are all that we have… No one, no one else, at least to smile back… "
"Appa is still angry, right? He will be alright one day, and be happy."
"Mm… Radhan, if you permit, after the long years of gap, shall I ask Appa to support?"
"Never! We don't want anything. If he is willing to extend love for his daughter, kept in reserve all the while, take it in abundance… Nothing else at all."
"I love you, just for what you are. Take care. Please don't take strain."
"Aami and Aman…?"
"I will tell them. It's alright."
Radhan didn't ring for the next few days. News from the district hospital came in search of Anita. It was someone in the neighbouring room who took him to the hospital.
'When I am alive… these two three days! How could you be so cruel to me like this!'
“Where are you going?"
"Pa, Radhan is affected. He's admitted in the hospital. I have to go…"
"Radhan! Who's that? If you are going, take these two little rascals too. I am not your servant to look after your children."
"Pa, please! You know very well that I can't take kids to that covid treatment centre. He is in the isolation wing."
"Why do you say all these to me! Who are you and why should I listen to a stranger and your hospital stories!"
"Yes, we are strangers! But we are connected in one way. You may consider me as the servant who has been doing the household chores without taking remuneration. I need my salary for the last four months right now! My husband is ill. He can't work and find earning till he is back to health. From my remuneration, you may cut the charge of three refugees' food and accommodation."
Joshy answered with a few currencies thrown at her face. Each one was drenched in her tears and he didn't forget to add,
"Those tears will not wash away your sins! Cheapest daughter ever on earth! All my dreams got shattered because of you. You will answer for all that. My wife is lucky to have gone so early. She doesn’t have to see your face. Those currencies will not save you!"
Anita didn't reply, not because she didn't have it, but because she didn't have time. Radhan, he's the only concern. If appa tells the kids to go out, they shall make themselves safe by some means. She knows her children. And now, any place on the earth seems better and safe than this building where she no longer expects love to breed.
It was not easy to get entry to the special treatment wing. She didn't know that her Radhan was already covered completely in white clothes without waiting to say a goodbye… At least to let her look at that radiant face for the last time…
His face… to look at his face for a long time itself, without his noticing it, has been the best memory for Anita in their love and togetherness. Even a newborn child couldn’t beat that innocence, she always felt. It has nothing to do with the ideals of beauty, but something more precious above all that… something she could find only in him….
Their dream nest was emptied. Birds were let free. Ami and Aman forgot to smile with heart. Grandpa never smiled, Anita too…
Every moment ran without life in it…
He fell one day. It was diagnosed to be a severe stroke.
Joshy and his fading memory still kept his obsession for currencies.
He never brought anything for the grandchildren all these years. Anita never wanted that too. But she couldn't stay blind at the sight of his currencies getting thrown out. She is living in a society where poverty leads people to be criminals and harlots.
That day, it was the time she spent on collecting the currencies thrown at her face which kept her away from meeting Radhan to say goodbye. They have always been very particular about ending up everything neatly.
Everything got denied, somewhere between love and obligation, she felt to be a loser. She now knows that the currencies, taken back or wet in the rain water are of zero value.
It was a lesson she learned long before that there are a lot of things in life that cannot be purchased with coins and currencies. Without spending anything, many priceless moments and people came to her life. But they didn't last for long.
And here, in the midst of people whose hearts are covered along with their faces, Anita continues to live, recollecting the priceless memories and the devalued currencies.
But the little radiant faces shall definitely take her back to a recollection and rejuvenation. Smiles will bloom without spending anything…
By Aswathi Prasath
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