By Ujjwaldeep Kaur Dhaliwal
Tears kept streaming down her eyes as she covered her ears trying to mute all the voices around her. She knew she was the only one who could stop them, yet she could do nothing at all. For the sake of her younger brother, who came running to her trembling with fear when their father came back home, completely oblivious to what was going to happen. While she attempted to calm the anxious boy next to her, she heard the sound of glass shattering, followed by the conspicuous voices of her parents yelling.
She gathered whatever remaining courage she was left with and wiped her eyes before forging her way to the room that was equivalent to hell. The scene that unrolled before her did not seem to surprise her anymore, her father callously beating up her mother. She somehow pulled her mother out of the room after barely managing to get her father to his bed and sleep. Only after they both escaped to the living room, her mother pulled her into an embrace, letting all her tears out as she apologized over to her daughter for what she had to face. She wanted to scream till her throat burned, cry till there were no tears left in her eyes, curse the universe for brining her into such horrible world. But even thinking of that made her feel selfish because she was the only one there for her brother and brother, their sole source of support.
Siya was a sixteen year old with a great childhood, but her teenage life was killing her. It felt as if it was a payback for all the happy memories, smiles and laughter all those years ago. Her family was tearing apart. Her father was never a good husband even if he was a good father. He had failed his wife, crushed her expectations and happiness, destroying her love for him over and over. Siya desperately wanted her mother to leave him for good and live without the constant abuse, but as the saying goes, good women from reputed families never let the world know their issues. Her bother being the typical obedient woman belonging to an Indian household always obliged to that.
She stepped inside the classroom which thrived with its lively bustle, but all of it didn’t matter. With frustration was etched into her features, her mind was swarmed with sorrowful thoughts that she wouldn’t dare to share with anyone. She sat in her seat, putting her bag down next to her while subconsciously smoothing out any wrinkles in her uniform. Just as she about to focus on her textbook in front of her, her annoyance skyrocketed when she heard a few girls in the in the back bursting out into a fit of giggles and laughter. “Aarna, can you be quite?” She half yelled at the girls, not wanting her mood to get any sour than it already was.
Turning back, she saw the group of girls who looked at her with wide eyes and left mumbling. The brunette looked at Siya, her charcoal eyes bore into the back as she practically tried to drown herself in her book. Aarna and Siya had been classmate ever since they enrolled in high school. Each time she noticed Siya’s foul mood, she’d try to cheer her up any way she could. However, they both were far from being ‘good friends’ , at least that is what Siya thought. They barely had any real conversations , only Aarna ever really tried to talk to Siya. She saw Aarna as the obnoxious and cheerful girl with a perfect life, something she could never have. Siya was reluctant to talk to her, she never appreciated for Aarna for all her failed attempts at getting her to talk.
Usually, Siya would see Aarna running around helping teachers or being her chaotic self or sitting in the back of the class taking a power nap. Heading back home, she faced the usual scenario which was the cause of her messed up mood. She tried to distract herself with painting in her sketch book, which worked till she ended up falling asleep on the floor while leaning back against her head. She woke up next morning when the sun peeked in through the curtains of her room, sighing as she got up to get ready for the day.
After a robotic morning routine, she reached her school hoping for it to finish already. Days passed by, there was no sign of Aarna, which had not gone unnoticed by her, until one day, she stepped out in front of her. She asked Siya how she was doing to which she replied, “I’m doing well.” Throughout the day, Aarna kept bothering her, “Why can’t you just try to be happy and live your life happily? Look at yourself, you look lifeless”, Aarna asked. That was the last straw for Siya, she could not take her antics anymore. What did she even know about her life? Did she even have anything left in her life that was worth enjoying? But then again, she couldn’t expect a girl like her to understand, after all she was born into a happy family. So she finally let her thoughts out to her, spilling everything that had been bothering her. What she hadn’t noticed was that other around her gave her weird looks, whispering under breaths saying stuff like, “She’s lost her mind”, “Has she gone mad?”, “What is wrong with her?”
Aarna looked at her with eyes full of worry and sympathy before getting out of her seat. Siya was dumbfounded for a second thinking she would not be bother again, but it all vanished when she felt herself getting pulled out of her seat. Aarna pulled her by her arm out into the corridor till Siya broke free of her grip and stopped in her tracks. She was furious, demanding and explanation for what that all was about. Aarna remained silent as she rolled up her sleeves and pulled down her stockings. “What do I know about you? I know you well enough. You know how? Because I’ve been through something similar, if not worse. I almost gave up, but I want you to fight. I don’t want to see you end up like me”, Aarna spoke.
Siya stood there speechless with her eyes blown wide like plates, she was taken aback by what she had just witnessed. Her skin was covered with scars and wounds, cuts that looked old, while some looked fresh. There were marks that looked as if her skin was scalded by hot iron. She was snapped out of her trance when she heard a voice, “What are you doing out here in the hall? Are you trying to skip your classes?” Mr. Thakur stepped forward, “Why are you here alone, Siya?”
“Alone..? But I was here with Si-“, she stopped mid sentence as soon as she turned around and saw no one. “What are looking around for?” The teacher’s voice broke the sudden silent that crept between them.
“I was here with Aarna, sir. She brought me out here-“. “There is no one here. And why are you trying to use Aarna’s name to get out of trouble? I never expected that from you”, Mr. Thakur cut her off. “What do you mean? She was right here?”, Siya’s voice was filled with confusion. The teacher let out a sigh of discontent and slowly shook his head before speaking up, “The poor girl just left the world a few days back. You should feel ashamed using her as an excuse.” Mr. Thakur kept going on but Siya could hear nothing at all. Her eyes were fixed on the fading silhouette of the girl she was talking to few moments ago. “Hang in there, please. Don’t give up”, those were the last words Siya heard from Aarna before her body completely faded away.
Siya was baffled. She could not wrap her head around what she had just learnt. Aarna had taken her own life on Sunday morning. No one had expected that because she was a cheerful girl, but what no one realized that she too had been hurting as well. Siya regretted misjudging her, she couldn’t help but feel guilty that she always tried to push her away.
All she could do now was do what Aarna had asked her to do, and try to live hoping for a ray of positivity to shine through the dark clouds covering her life. Maybe it’s not always what it looks like.
By Ujjwaldeep Kaur Dhaliwal
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