Ethereal Longings

By Tanushri Vasantha

Imagine the deep blue sea. Under the moonlit sky studded with stars so bright like it's the abode of a million fireflies. Sea so calm with her magnificence as vast as infinity and in the midst of all that splendor, timid little me stranded on a rock in the middle of the sea like a blot on the landscape clearly not belonging. Left to fend alone in a terrain so unfamiliar with nothing but the sea and that tiny little rock holding me, keeping me afloat. Scared and alone, I scream out aching to be heard." helloooo??? Is anyone out there??? Can anyone hear me??? Who am I?? Where am I??? What do I do??? I am lost. I want to go home. Where is home??? Who do I belong to??? Won't somebody come find me???" but heard nothing back but a deafening silence. Admitting defeat, I settled onto my rock to learn the ways of the sea for there was nothing else to be done. Watching, learning, surviving. All along my rock beneath me keeping me afloat.

His constant presence my only strength and support. Days became weeks, weeks became months and months years and just when I thought I had learned to ride the waves, a storm!! The howling winds, the booming thunder, the hammering rainfall and the bolts of lightning splitting through the night skies played a symphony so frightening, I held on tight to the only thing I have ever known, my rock. But, she wasn't having it. She rose. Rose in all her glory like Maa Kali in the face of ignorance burning with the fire of destruction. The wrath of her crashing waves knock me off my rock leaving me drowning in her mad waters. She was wild like a raging beast tearing its prey apart pushing and pulling me in a million different directions. I kick and swim with all my might trying to stay afloat desperately searching out for him. My rock. With agonising desperation I swim and swim with all my might, fighting till my last breath just to get a glimpse of him but he was nowhere to be seen in the midst of her furious dance of destruction...battered and bruised unable to catch my breath any longer I look up one last time. This time with a smile on my face marvelling at the magnificence of the scene unfolding before my eyes right this moment. Suddenly overwhelmed by the beauty of it all I fall still and I exhale "shambhoooo!!!" and with that I surrender into her arms. With her cool waters engulfing me, I sink. Sinking deep beneath the moonlit hue into a darkness so new, I close my eyes and take a deep breath only to realise to my utter amazement that I can. I can breathe underwater after all. And just like that I wasn't drowning anymore. But instead submerged in a whole new possibility. Submerged in magic. The same waters killing me, now my salvation. Lying there in her lap I drift off in glee oblivious to which is me and which is sea. As I sink deeper into her abyss of bliss I realize the home I was aching for was right here the whole while. Patiently waiting for me to arise from my deep slumber. Loving me and looking out for me all along. Even my beloved rock, just an extension of her keeping me safe and afloat till the blessed day came when she dragged me back home despite all my tantrums and rebellion. What can I even say of a love so deep, so let me just lay here in her lap and weep.

By Tanushri Vasantha