By Apratim Majumder
I was born into, what most would call, a normal family. Now the others might
ask, “What is normal?”. That’s not a question anyone can answer, I suppose.
Except for God. And He knows everything because He created the universe.
Even the great scientist Einstein once wrote, God does not play dice with the
universe. So don’t let the so-called followers of science fool you. God exists.
The family I was born into not only believes that God exists but also thinks that
He is pulling all the strings. When I was growing up, I didn’t really question
anything that my parents said. As long as I was getting to eat when I was
hungry and sufficient playtime with my friends, I was happy. I spent most of
my remaining time, when I was not eating or playing with my friends, sleeping
or trying to find ways to get attention. It was a pretty cool life now that I think
about it.
Then, I didn’t realize when, I grew up. I had to do my own work, get my own
food, my mother said. She said, I had to be responsible. I had to protect myself
and look after my own health. The life I had as a puppy had completely
changed.
The one thing that hadn’t was my belief in God. What was this belief you might
ask? Well, it’s the one that was barked to me all the time. God does everything
for good. He is always watching and If I did anything that was bad, I would be
punished. Of course, my primitive brain didn’t think of questioning it then.
This belief made me a very scared dog. I was always afraid of taking any action
in case it fell under God’s bad column. See that’s the other thing. My parents
didn’t tell me what was bad. They used to tie me up when I did something bad.
Once, I bit my brother’s ear so hard that he yelped in pain. I realized I had
taken a chunk of his ear off. There was blood and hair everywhere. We were
just playing but he approached my bone with intent. They locked me in a box
for a very long time that day. I knew that was bad.
I was, what some would say, a God-fearing dog. I prayed day and night, just
like I saw my mother do. And since I never questioned the God doing
everything theory, I thought my actions were not that relevant. So, I slept
more and prayed more. Things were not great, but they were okay. I was living
in a big city so food wasn’t too much of a problem. There was always excess
and waste for me to fill my stomach. I was a full-grown dog by then and
wanted to start a family. Everyone seemed to be doing it and my mother said
that it’s the order of the world. Looking around, it seemed to be true.
A lot of my time was spent looking for a mate. I found some that I liked but
being the scared dog that I was, I was afraid to take any initiative. I slept more
and prayed more. All these dogs found other dogs to start families with and I
kept on searching.
Then one day, my mother introduced me to this dog. She said,” Leo, I found
her rummaging through the super-market garbage. See how cute she is”. She
was. She was beautiful. She had hair on her body, not like my short thick fur. It
was golden and long and it almost covered her big black eyes as well. But you
could see some white on the edges of her eyes and that was the feature that I
liked best about her. Those eyes told me that she cared.
“Goldie is a gift from God”, my mother said. I had to agree. My prayers had
finally been answered.
Goldie sniffed by butt and I reciprocated the favor. It was love at first sniff! We
quickly got married and soon had a litter of puppies. I don’t think I can describe
the way I felt that day. There was so much joy, it was like having lunch and
dinner at the same time. I have never felt such lightness in my heart. It was
almost like I could fly if I had wings. My tail wouldn’t stop wagging.
There was another nagging feeling though, that I just couldn’t shake off. It was
very familiar to me but at the same time it was different. That particular feeling
of fear was stronger from any other I had had. It was more than the one I felt
when I was stuck in the ground under for two whole days after falling through
the hole in the street. But what was more horrifying is that it refused to leave
and took over my life.
I was obsessed with my puppies. I used to guard them the entire day, cuddling
them, rolling in the dirt with them. Goldie was the one who used to go looking
for food. I refused to let the puppies out of sight. I prayed harder than I had
ever done before. And I stopped eating bones two days a week. Just like my
mother did. Now I understood the fear that she felt for me. God is watching
and what if chewing on bones is on his bad list?
I remember vivid details of the day I met God. Despite my repeated requests,
Goldie had gone combing through the big bin outside the high-rise apartments.
She accidentally ate some plastic and came back home covered in her puke.
She was in no condition to go hunt and we had no food at home. I had to step
out.
Steering clear of any bins and plastic inside them, it’s so deadly it is killing Earth
they say, I headed straight to the new restaurant with those fancy tables and
chairs, hoping to get some spoils. I hadn’t eaten in a long time and my hunger
had weakened my instincts. I did not notice when a dog with a big drooping
face, his ears standing tall came sniffing behind me. I quickly turned around to
see him baring his sharp canines. He had anger in his eyes and I could feel
panic setting into my bones. Before I could react, he landed a bite on my face. I
felt a barrage of blows that flattened me to the ground. I couldn’t even throw a
punch. I was so not used to a brawl that it seemed I had no fight in me. Lying
there on the road, with the dog’s paw on my throat, I was breathless. I saw
Goldie and my puppies huddled in a corner and I wanted to reach out and hug
them. And, in that moment, I saw God. He saw my puppy eyes and the
question in them, “Why aren’t you helping me?”. And I saw his lips move even
if I didn’t hear a thing. He was clearly saying, “I help those who help
themselves”.
My vision broke when a bunch of dogs unexpectedly came running and the big
dog was perturbed for a moment to release his grip. With the last ounce of
energy left, I pushed him, slipped out from under and bit his weak hindlegs as
hard as I could. He screamed in pain and I ran. I wasn’t too used to running but
I can bet my life that no one has run harder. I ran past the graveled to the dirt
roads, from tall buildings to the green fields, from crowds till I finally reached
home to my family. I hadn’t stopped for a moment, even to catch my breath.
And I hadn’t looked back once.
It feels like I was in a blindfold till I saw God. I hadn’t spoken about my meeting
to anyone, not even Goldie. Now that I knew the truth, I was ashamed to admit
that all these years I thought God was a tyrant waiting to strike. But more
importantly who would I explain this to? What hubris to think that the creator
of the Universe was doing everything good for us. How narcissistic to imagine
God doing anything for us! That meeting taught me that we have to do our
own work. I am not scared of God any more, I just love Him with all my soul.
I have to go now in search for some food. I have a family to feed, you see. God
blesses!
By Apratim Majumder
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