If Someone Asked Me

By Zoya Ghoshal

All my life

I have been the kind of person

Who

Tends to shove down

The things that I’m feeling

I’ve always had a hard time

Expressing

Any kind of emotion

For those

That mean the most to me

No one has ever

Made me want to

Express

What I’m feeling

No one has ever

Made me want to

Try

Until you.

So I’m going to try

To put into words

Just how much

You have changed my world

Just how much

You have enabled me to

Live my life

The way it’s

Meant to be lived

If someone asked me

I would say

I appreciate you

My lips

Would never permit me to say

That

Every time I look at you

I feel like giving you

Everything

You could ever want

In this world

I feel like giving you

All the parts of myself

I’ve never given anyone else

You have saved me

In ways

You could never imagine

I don’t think even you realise

Just how much your presence

Changes me

For the better

If someone asked me

I would say

I trust you

My lips

Would never permit me to say

That

There was no one I felt comfortable with

Before you

My life has been a blur

Of people

Coming and going

As they like

I have never once

Allowed myself

To get attached

To any of them

I have never once

Allowed myself

To pour my soul out

To any of them

But somehow

The moment you walked into my life

My soul screamed at me

To hold onto you

To tell you things

About myself

I’ve never once dared

To tell anyone

I don’t think you could

Ever understand

That despite being on guard

All my life

The only person

I’m truly myself around

Is you

If someone asked me

I would say

I miss you

My lips

Would never permit me to say

That

Every waking moment

Away from you

Feels like I’ve lost

All sense of emotion

Pray tell

How did I live my life

Before you?

Was there ever a time

When I was truly alive

Before you?

I wake up every morning

With the thought

Of seeing you

And I sleep every night

With the thought

Of spending time with you

The very next day

My dreams

Consist of experiences

I have lived with you

And also ones

I wish to live with you

Every single time we meet

It’s like my heart starts beating

All over again

My mind starts racing

With wishes of

The moment never ending

With wishes

That the time to see you again

Would come that much faster

If someone asked me

I would say

I need you

My lips would never

Permit me to say

That

Nearly every single thought

I have

Is of you

Nearly every single thing

I experience

Makes me wonder

What it would’ve been like

Had you been with me

My heart hurts

Just when I hear your voice

A kiss from you

Burns like a brand

Every single time

A hug from you

Is an excuse for me to

Breathe you in

Take in the fact that

You’re really there

Take in the fact that

You feel some semblance

Of the things I feel for you

For me

If someone asked me

I would say

I cherish you

I need you

I adore you

I choose you

I love you

My lips however

Would always permit me to say

That

My feelings

Will never change

That

Even if one day

You chose to leave me

You’ll always be someone

Who meant the most to me

Who would still

Mean the most to me

My mind

Would never permit me to think

That

There ever was anyone but you.

By Zoya Ghoshal