Ignorance Is Bliss

By Mallika Kanneganti

June 10

Ignorance would have been bliss.

I repeated the line in my head. Knowledge is painful. At least, what we learned today is painful.

It began on the radio. I’m one out of maybe two people in the prison who was able to afford a radio. It helps me make friends here. People are friendly to me because I don’t mind sharing it with my friends. I’m a generous person like that, which is a rarity here. Most people are selfish. The more bad shit you go through, I think at least, the less you care about other people. I’m different in that way. I still care about other people even though I’ve been through some decently bad shit.

I like to tune my radio to the news stations. Other people don’t like that. They want to skip to the music. I’m the only one who cares enough to listen to the news, I think, because I’m the only one who hasn’t given up hope that the outside world could eventually get better.

I didn’t say I thought it would be anytime soon. But eventually.

The news channel was on its science segment. I listened intently while the others groaned about wanting to listen to indie rock.

Host: Welcome back to channel KQWT. I'm your host, Kelly Parker, and I'm here with a very special guest, Dr. James Markovitz. How are you today, doctor?

Dr.: I'm doing well but am also exhausted. The company I work for, the CEO has asked that it remain anonymous, has had me working day and night on a new discovery.

Host: So can you tell us a little bit about your discovery?

Doctor: Certainly. I have created a solution, which, when injected into the human body, gives one astounding superpowers. We're still in the early stages of research, but the powers it gives includes levitation, electrokinesis, and magnetism.

Host: How exciting! This is truly the beginning of a new age. Will this solution be made commercially available, so that anyone who consumes it can become a superhero?

Doctor: It may be once a few modifications have been made. Right now, it is still quite dangerous to use. Even the smallest dose would take years off of the user's lifespan. Right now it is only available to a small class of people.

Host: That's quite a price to pay!

Doctor: Yes, my point exactly. And not to mention, it can be harmful to those with reckless and addictive personalities. Lots of people would jump at the opportunity to become a superhero, even if it means a shorter life......I--I can't do this.

Host: You can't do what? What's wrong, doctor?

Doctor: They wanted me to advertise it, make it sound like a good thing. But the truth is, they're using it as a weapon. They want to inject it into prisoners to make--HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE! NO! STOP!

(BANG)

Then it was static.

Ten minutes later, an announcement came on the intercom.

“Radios are no longer a privilege in this prison. If you have a radio, it will be confiscated today.”

My friends were right; nothing good comes out of listening to the news.

July 1

I haven’t written in this journal in a while. I can barely get through day-to-day living. I feel like puking every time I eat and I can’t stop trembling. I just keep thinking about what the scientist said on the radio about that weapon that would be injected into us. I hope that the cops heard the radio interview and stopped them. Not likely though; when do cops ever do anything good? But still, who other than the cops even has the power to stop them?

August 15

It happened today. They forced us to get “vaccinated”. Only I know what’s really in it; it’s not a real vaccine. I didn’t dare refuse it for fear of violence but the guards noticed I was shaking when I got my dose. I have to do something about this, but I don't know what. We are allowed an occasional phone call, so maybe I could tell someone on the outside what’s going on--and then what? What could they do? And they monitor our phone calls. They read our mail too. All I know is I gotta figure something out. I can’t take this.

August 16

Of course, the day after we get injected is the day everything changes. They’re splitting us up and sending us to different camps. I’m going to a power plant. I heard that the other group is getting trained to be cops, which is kind of a weird thing for them to do but I guess it’s whatever. I guess that makes sense that I’m going to a power plant though; these powers with magnetism and electricity will probably come in useful. And they don’t care about “shortening our lifespan” because we’re just prisoners. Not like actual people that anyone cares about.

I never had anyone to care about me even before I became a prisoner. I guess that’s why I’m so caring towards other people though. I keep holding onto hope that one day, one of those people will care about me back. So far, I haven’t met anyone who does.

August 17

The first day working at the plant was beyond excruciating. I never knew that magnetokinesis and electrokinesis could be so taxing on the human body. I’m lucky though. I heard that the group that is getting trained to be cops has it worse. They’re being forced to use their electrokinesis to shock civilians. I guess some of them might actually enjoy that, although I can’t imagine what it would be like to willfully do something so evil. It would be torture to be forced to shock others lest you get shocked yourself as punishment. They’re turning our own kind against us. Some of them seem genuinely sadistic. I guess years of having other people take pleasure in your pain can turn you into a sadist yourself. I’ve succumbed to that feeling before; that isn’t a part of my life I like to remember.

We’re each in our own individual cells, but the doors are glass, and we can still hear each other. I’ve made friends with a couple of my neighbors, although we don't dare talk much with the guards around. We mostly use sign language when the guards have their back turned.

"Don't eat the food," signed the prisoner across from me. She had dark skin, dark circles under her eyes and the look of a young lady who had been through so much in life that it aged her prematurely. "At least, don't eat too much". I looked confused and she continued.

"They're drugging it. It'll make you brain-dead and unable to think for yourself."

The thought of that makes me shudder, so I promised myself I would barely eat. My own thoughts are all I have. I don't think I would stay sane if it wasn't for this journal. I'm lucky they don't care enough to confiscate it yet. But I'm worried they will eventually. My friend from across the hall saw me writing in it today.

"Be careful with that", she signed to me. "If you act up at all, they'll read it."

I'm making a vow to myself to not act up, not even in the slightest.

August 18

Only one day after I made the vow and I'm tempted to break it.

Today a guard noticed me smiling at my friend from across the hall and he shoved me. Hard. I fell over on my face, which was red with rage.

It took all my self-control not to use my electrokinesis to shock him. For a moment I felt the sadism that I tried so hard to forget was ever a part of me; I wanted to see him on the ground, writhing in agony and begging for death. I guess all animals have that feeling inside of them, and humans try hard to bury it. For a second I wondered if my suffering had turned me into a monster, but I didn't have much time to dwell on that as I was forced to start another painful day at work.

The friend I'd smiled at, who had signed to me that her name was Kaitlyn, sympathized with me after our shift.

"I hope that guard rots in hell," she signed to me. I smiled.

We ended up staying up half the night signing to each other. She told me about her brother, the lawyer who overshadowed her, and her love for dancing. I told her about my past as a nomad.

"I love that," she signed to me and she drew a heart with her finger on the glass.

As I signed back and forth with her, I began to notice how sweet her smile looked to me, and I noticed I was smiling myself for the first time since I'd been in prison. I wondered if this was what it was like to feel love.

This thought was interrupted by a guard who shouted at us to go to bed. I think I need to hide my journal in case they're suspicious about what Kaitlyn and I have been saying to each other. I hope my hiding place is good enough.

August 19

I can't believe what just happened. This morning, as we left our cells to go to our shift, Kaitlyn kissed me. For a split second I felt purely wonderful, and I didn't even feel fear of what the guards would do. We were all that mattered. My reverie was violently halted as Kaitlyn was immediately grabbed by a guard and dragged away, both of us in tears. I'm lucky they didn't find my journal, although I probably shouldn't take it out for a while now because they'll be suspicious.

I was still forced to go to my shift as always and I literally passed out from the pain and fatigue today, since I didn't get even a wink of sleep last night.

When I got to my cell, I ate as much as I could, knowing that the food was drugged. My brain began to feel numb and I thought, working here isn't actually that bad. I'll be okay, I don't even need a journal.

Ignorance really is bliss.

By Mallika Kanneganti