Merely An Anecdote

By Sriram Ganesh

It all started with that one treacherous morning. It seemed like I was waking up in a Karan Johar film. The air, the blanket, the ceiling fan, and the mouth of my screaming father- all moving in slow motion. It was as if the end was upon me.

I don't remember the exact day and date, because I'm not insane- but it was pretty intense, trust me.

I've set the scene pretty accurately. Now time for context. It was the day my god-forsaken exam results were to arrive. My parents, who had lost all hope in my academic performance, were sitting on the living room couch as if nothing was happening. Having never been particularly religious, I was sitting there involuntarily worshiping a deity who logically had no say in my upcoming fortune. But still, I believed.

What followed was a set of sequential emotions worthy of a film in itself. It began as utter disbelief, turned into mild doubt, and followed on to what was unbridled joy. I wasn't happy with just the grades that I had gotten, but with the fact that the results were finally out. Now there was nothing in the foreseeable future that could make me as anxious as I was.

Stuck at home, in isolation, in the middle of the deadliest pandemic in centuries- and all I could be worried about in the weeks and months leading up to this day- was the result and nothing else. Do I wish I wasn't so high-strung? Do I wish I cared a little less about my grades? Do I wish I had just lived without anxiety? Of course. But would that have been for the best? I'll never know. Now that all of my self-doubts are out of the way- let's get into the sequence that followed.

It was admission season. Not even two days post result day- and I was already knee-deep in the next stress fest of my life.

Hailing from a traditional South-Indian family, every major decision in our lives has a preset pattern. My brother before me- did the same thing that I was about to do. After living our entire lives in the National capital, the next "logical step" was to move down south to our hometown for our college education. As you can probably guess- I did the exact same thing.

My parents were extremely jubilant. Their excitement was beyond anything I had ever seen. They were so full of joy at the thought of moving back to the place where they grew up. After a few months, we ended up moving. I joined my college- attended classes for well over a year, learning nothing- all over online classes of course. And then what followed were the days of heavy social awkwardness. Regular college began, where I came across a variety of different characters, some of whom I befriended- because who wants to be alone on a campus with over 10000 people? What I dreaded my entire life was suddenly the bubble I found myself in. I was now in a gang- not the violent goons kind- but that bunch of people who roam around, always in a pack.

Surprisingly the more I got used to it, the more I enjoyed the camaraderie. And now I feel a sense of belonging. Now that I've gotten the sentiments out of the way- I'd like to take you all with me toward the end of this story.

By this time, three years of college are almost over, and not much education as such but I'm definitely more skilled than before. I've never particularly felt a connection with anything that I've done in my life. Until I found out that anyone under the sun, who can jot down a few sentences together and somehow make sense of it- is suddenly labeled a writer.

So this has been my story, merely an anecdote out of a life that I can exaggerate and make it look like one of the cool ones out there. But I think of myself as any regular person, all of the self-doubt and cliches aside. As Mark Manson has taught me- in a world full of extraordinary people, it's better to stay ordinary.

By Sriram Ganesh