By Aparna M.
Dear Cean,
I miss you, even though we live in this time where we have access to all of the communications technology and can stay in touch every day. Even twenty years ago, I would have to write this letter to some Embassy, hoping they were delivering some documents to port and would send this along to you. I remember getting bags of letters from ships and being asked to post them out to families back home. Our house would smell like the ship for days. At that time, I never thought 15 years later, my beloved would be at sea and I would be writing these letters. Even then, it is not what I expected. You don’t fit any of the stereotypes or any of my expectations.
I love that you read so much and that you are kind but I hate that you are always right. I don’t hate anything in the world as much as that. Though everything is fine, I don’t have any doubts, I’m completely at peace - without you here, everything feels so fragile. I don’t miss you as much as I thought I would but often tiny things will upset me, like how you were at work when I passed my law exams. I hate that you are missing so many wonderful things on my side of this earth. Three nights ago, we had a stunning full moon. It rose right above my bedroom at night and I awoke thinking someone had turned on the light when it shone through my window. You are missing how all the trees are so lush and green after the rains. You are missing our guinea pig scurrying to find a hiding place because of all the Diwali fireworks. She fought off a pigeon this morning. I was so proud of her, but I couldn’t get my phone to capture it. You are missing my mom’s jokes. The amazing basil pasta I had last night. I made apple pancakes this morning. They were amazing.
Maybe I’m missing things at your end too. The stunning sunsets at sea, the great big ships and engineering feats, the orcas and the sharks. The sea may be big and vast but life is here on land, with me, in the small things. You are missing the kittens that have learnt to run around the streets over the last 40 days. The mongoose that came to eat the teenage snake. Here is where all life, adventure and freedom lies.
I admire you for choosing to follow your heart. I know your heart belongs to the ocean, that you were named for at birth. All of your nostalgia, the bigness of life, and the possibility of everything you can achieve lies with the ocean.
I miss your kindness and your sense of reason the most. I miss your lazy, no-rush ways that you no doubt learnt at sea. I feel so lucky that you were born in the same space and time as me and that all the universe aligned perfectly to bring you to me. I will see you when the next full moon lights up my room as well as yours in the great, big lonesome.
Love,
Danl
By Aparna M.
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