The Faceless Woman

By Ayan Kidwai

The night was dark and windy, there were no stars in the sky and the moon was nowhere to be seen. There was total darkness around Ethan, yet he could clearly see her sitting next to her. 

“Why death?” she asked.

It was a question that would always remain unsolved, why did people choose death? 

“You never know what that person is going through, perhaps he thought that his world had already ended and if his world had already ended then why would he want to exist anymore? A lot can be said to criticise that person’s choice, leaving their parent’s, sibling’s and loved ones behind to always wonder the reason behind their decision. One thing is for certain, to kill oneself is a coward’s choice.” answered Ethan.

A year had passed since that day, yet talking about it still made Ethan sad.

“You call it a coward’s choice but if you were in the same situation would you not make the same choice yourself?” she asked.

“I have already been in that same situation and I am still alive. To someone to death means that you will love them till your death, it does not mean that you will kill your yourself if they do not reciprocate your love. He had everything, loving parents, a home, a business for him to inherit upon his father’s retirement, friends who would do anything for him yet he chose to end it all. He left everybody who loved him and forced them to carry the pain of his absence forever.” answered Ethan.

“If he had such great friends then why did they not save him?” she asked.

“No person can save someone from their own self. The truth is that we all tried, we all gave our best shot to convince him that life is precious and we were all fools to believe that he understood. When on the next day I was at his funeral, I blamed no one other than myself for his death and I still do. I know that I couldn’t be there to stop him from wrapping that rope around his neck at five in the morning but I still blame myself.” answered Ethan.

“You blame yourself for your friend's death and you blame yourself for your lost love. Why do you think that you’re so influential? Perhaps it was never under your control, nobody controls the future.” she said.

“I am to blame for both of them, I should have stayed with him that night, I should have left the comfort of my home to comfort him. Had the night passed, perhaps he wouldn’t have had the courage to do what he did.” said Ethan.

“It takes a courageous man to make a cowardly decision. What about the girl? How is that your fault?” she asked.

“When I started to like the girl, I knew that I should not harbour such feelings for her. I tried to deny those feelings but with time they only grew. I never had the courage to tell her, I never had the courage to risk it all. If I had done that then maybe she would have been by my side.” answered Ethan.

“Or maybe, she would have rejected you.” she said.

Ethan chuckled. Rejection was obviously a possibility but he remembered a time and if at that time he would have had the courage then, then he would not be in this agony now. That memory was only his to keep, it was a regret he wished that no one ever knew. That was why he always sat under the naked sky, in the dark and alone.

“So all of this was your fault?” she asked.

“Most certainly,” he answered.

“If the ordeal with your friend were to repeat itself, would you blame yourself again?” she asked.

“If another one of my friends were to end his life then I would blame myself even more.” he answered.

“Why? Do you think of all your friends as your responsibility? Are they all dependent upon you?” she asked.

“Yes, I think of them as my responsibility. Whenever I see a friend going astray, I know that it is my duty to lead them back to the straight path.” he answered.

“Are you always on the straight path?” she asked.

“No but I do not deviate from the path for long. If I go astray then many will go astray, I carry the burden of a leader. It is a heavy burden.” answered Ethan.

“Who’s leader exactly? Why do you think you are qualified to be a leader? Perhaps you're only seen as a servant by your peers.” she asked.

“It is not what others think of you, it’s what you think about yourself. The one who stands in front when the tides are against him is the leader.” answered Ethan.

“You think of yourself as a great man, then why do you pity yourself so much?” she asked.

He had no answer to that, there was no reason for him to pity himself. He had wealth, he had beauty and many people loved him. The only thing he lacked was the love of a certain someone, was that reason enough to pity himself? Were these the thoughts his friend had before he killed himself? He could never know but he still wondered.

Why did he sit alone? Why did he have conversations with a faceless woman? There are many people who willingly listen to his pain, yet he sat alone. Whenever he looked up, he could never see her face clearly. Why was this woman faceless? Why had he never been scared of her presence? Questions that he himself knew no answer to.

She always showed up at night when he was alone. What did she bring with her? He did not know. Sometimes she took the face of someone, someone he knows. But he rejected that face. No matter how much he asked, she would never put on the face that he wished to see.

“Go now, I do not wish to talk to you anymore.” he said.

“You know I have no power to leave nor do I have power to show up again, it is you that calls me and it is you that gives me leave.” she said.

“Go! I command you!” Ethan screamed.

From inside the house, his sister asked. “Whom do you scream at?

”

He turned around to tell her that it was no one and when he turned back around, the faceless woman was gone. Hopefully never to return again.

By Ayan Kidwai