Was It Normal?

By Uroosah Ehsan

[Triggering!]

August 13, 2013. I keep convincing myself that I am happy, I smile, I laugh, and I do the things every teen does. But then reality always ruins it, because in reality I’m not even close.

January 6, 2015, everyone has New Year resolutions and I thought mine was to bloom into something better, something strong; yet I walked into my room my resolution quickly changing into ‘try not to kill yourself’

September 23, 2015, I was always told that there was nothing wrong with me; little did they know that the smile I wore hid millions of unspoken words.

February 11, 2016, did she notice or hear my cries at 2 in the night?

April 1, 2016, where is that God who promised me happiness?

Was it normal? As the fog rose off the river in the slowest of manner, quickly wrapping itself back up in the sky. Eyes tired, begging to close. Listening to the birds sing against the window, I laid my head back at the chair I sat on in my old vintage room.

There it was, the yelling. The sharp voice of his banging through my wall as my mother yelled back her voice cracking mid-sentence attacked by tears that choked her. It was so much. To the point I thought it was normal, I thought it was all normal for parents to be this way. Yet I wasn’t used to it, huddling myself in the corner quickly finding a blanket to cover me as my parents lit the house with flames burning the house down with their tongues.

“He said he would stop, no he promised.” My blue eyes darkened as my hands shook with fear, “he said that when he returns, he will be different” my voice almost sounded like a scream matching my mothers who lay sobbing on the ground a floor below mine.

The sound of loud footsteps that were coming towards me made my eyes shut, tears streaming down my face.

I feared, I feared that my blue eyes would fade away with time just like my mom’s had.

By Uroosah Ehsan