Ran

so I ran
I ran and I ran and I ran
until I couldn’t see your face
because I was scared of the unknown, I was scared of losing the race
but I had to
I had to lose
because it was you, I couldn’t choose
the fear was deep inside the roots
and the seeds that I sowed they didn’t bear any fruit
but tell me
tell me which one is worse
living or dying first
or
letting go or holding on until it hurts
because it all was too hard, I couldn’t help but let the tears burst
but I stopped
I stopped once I realised that skies change colours so who are you to not
you’d never let me down, that’s what I thought, we talked less than we fought
it was all in my head, then I heard the gunshots
I was bleeding
I bled out til my body was all cleansed of you, I didn’t mind it, it was too bad to be true
but it needed to happen, I needed to be free of you.
and then I changed
I started to change because my light needed to shine
my strength needed to rise
my body had already started to fight because all along I ignored that I was right
so, now, I ask you
I ask you to tell me why did you have to drain my body off of soul?
why did you have to snatch my heart out and leave me out in the cold?
why did you think I wasn’t enough when all I wanted was your hand to hold?
it was all the little things, that, I now, remember you for.
how did you have the strength to pull all of this?
how could you be so bold enough to take the risk?
how could you break my heart when if I did the same you’d be pissed?
how could you let this, let us go by just saying that you quit?
did you think this through?
did you think about the effects it would have on me and you?
or was it just a game to you?
then you tried to come back
you tried to make me let you in and restore the place that you had
you said that you were stupid to let it go and you want me back so bad
but how could I do that when you broke the last piece of me that I had?
but then, you were a tad bit late
you tried to come back when I outgrew of the self-hate
I decided to let the universe take control of me and give it all in the hands of fate
trying to better me, it was never too late.
so now, I’ll tell you
I’ll tell you about the times when I had to cry myself to sleep,
I’ll tell you about the times I was laughing when I wanted to weep
I’ll tell about the times when I knew you were poison to me
and I’ll tell you about the times how scared I was when you said that you loved me.
but that would be of no use, I guess
let me tell you about something else
let me tell you about how I gathered my strength
let me tell you about the times when I was laughing with all my heart because of my friends
let me tell you about the way it ends
it ends with the sun rebirthing in strength, faith and hope
it ends with a dark sunset drowning in a deep self-pity hole
it ends with you and me, I don’t have any grudges to hold
it ends with me praying and wishing good for you, that’s all.
it ends, for once and for all.

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