86 billion neurons. 2 paired arteries for blood supply. 60% fat. Virtually unlimited storage capacity. And overthinking. All this more or less makes up a human mind. Yet there is so much more. What is a human mind? Some pretty vague ideas coming up along with a real quick escalation.
The human mind is desiring. It is expecting. Expecting from the people around it. From the relations that it has forged, through time and effort, through genuine care and love. It wants all of it in return, some less some more, but it expects, nonetheless. And it has the right, doesn’t it? To want what it gives to others. To crave for something that it was built to receive. Some may not show this expectancy openly. Some may have covered themselves with layers of ice. But the yearning is there. Buried behind the layers of cold. Waiting for the warmth to melt all the walls down, and to fulfill this desire for intimacy in all forms. We weren’t made for nihilism. That ideology merely developed from deprivation. A deprivation so deep and commonly experienced, that all belief from receiving any kind of tenderness was lost. Lost, not forgotten.
The human mind is scared. It is scared to show. To express. It is scared to be vulnerable. It is scared to be disappointed. But the fear is genuine, it is justified. Who would want to be hurt? The fear is just a defense mechanism, to avoid pain. But even then, no one can be safe from it. We still give in, in desperation or maybe hope, we give in. And whatever happens after that, in the long run, we end up being more scared, more fearful. We cannot say what we want to say. Cannot tell what we feel. Be it to a friend, a blood relation or someone who we are infatuated with. This fear is requisite but uncontrolled. It is the one stipulating and we are mere puppets of its unpredictability, who bear the full brunt of the consequences.
The human mind is doubtful. It is forever irresolute of its worthiness. Any sort of admittance regarding laudability is momentary and is quickly replaced by ambivalence, which is almost always inclined towards negation. Any act of kindness towards it invokes a startle, a disbelief which has become a natural reaction now. The self-doubt weighs down so stiffly upon us, that we are always on our knees, on all fours, head down, unable to raise our eyes enough to see the light we produce, to know that it is our own, and we are damn worthy of the caress of other hands that we feel on our face, on our body. The caress which is trying to raise our head enough so that we could see our own illuminance and bask in it. We still may reject it, this notion, but the caress will hopefully keep trying, from a new pair of hands maybe, until it is the perfect balance of firm and soft.
The human mind is complex. It is all of the above things and so much more, most of which limits us, but also some which have the potential to break all the limits. It begs itself to be simple, but it is anything but simple. Entrapped and entangled in so many emotions and belief. Hopeful and helpless. Longing for salvation and wholeness, but all the while staring into the chasm of nothingness. Too close to the edge and too petrified to turn or even look away. It is fickle, too unsure about anything and everything. It is messed up chemicals and hormones. It is probably beyond anyone to figure a human mind out. And to be very honest, this is just a ramble, while being in a state of extreme sleep deprivation. This isn’t supposed to make sense to anyone and is just a crazy musing.
Nothing conclusive or definitive to take out of this, which is rather unsurprising yet fitting.

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